It’s Beyond Time for Someone to Lay Down Some Society-Wide Ground Rules for Handshakes
The Social Etiquette Dilemma
It s beyond time for someone – This Wednesday brings the opportunity to air our grievances about everyday social awkwardness. While the Gripe Report typically tackles minor annoyances, this week’s focus is on a more pervasive issue: the lack of consistency in social norms. From the moment we step out of our homes, we’re thrust into situations requiring precise etiquette, yet many of us feel like we’re playing a guessing game to avoid embarrassment.
Handshake Conundrums
Consider this scenario: after a night out with acquaintances, you’re returning to your car in a bustling parking lot. You’ve just spotted a friend again, but what’s the right response? Should you greet them with a forced smile, initiate another goodbye, or simply nod? The author’s frustration lies in the ambiguity of these moments. “I’m tired of having to read body language, situations, and approach angles to determine whether someone is coming at me for a handshake or a dap,” they note. This uncertainty leaves even the most well-meaning individuals feeling like they’re on the spot.
“My success rate has to be hovering around 60% to 70%, but I think it should be 100% because we live in a society.”
The solution, the author suggests, might be a simple head nod—a neutral gesture that avoids turning a casual encounter into a memorable event. But why does this feel so necessary? The awkwardness stems from the unpredictability of social cues. Imagine walking through a crowded lot and catching a familiar face. A handshake could be polite, but it’s also easy to overdo, leading to the dreaded “handshake hug” or a stiff dap that feels more like a transaction than a greeting.
When “You Too” Goes Wrong
One of the author’s recurring gripes is the automatic use of “You too” in contexts where it doesn’t fit. At restaurants, servers often say “Enjoy your meal,” prompting the customer to respond with “You too.” This exchange, though brief, feels contrived. The author recounts instances where this happens, emphasizing the discomfort of being caught off guard. “You drop a ‘You too’ because you’re caught off-guard, and now you just look like an ass,” they explain.
“The second most common place I do it is with parking attendants. I go to park for a concert or hockey game and they go, ‘Enjoy the show/game,’ and I give them the ol’ ‘You too.’”
Similarly, parking attendants in public lots often say “Enjoy the show” or “Have a good time,” which leads to the same awkward “You too” response. The author argues that this is a missed opportunity for more meaningful interaction. “At least they’re getting paid,” they add, highlighting that the burden of awkwardness falls disproportionately on the person saying it.
Universal Guidelines Needed
To streamline these interactions, the author proposes establishing clear, society-wide rules. They suggest criteria like requiring at least 50% of people in a given space to wear collared shirts before initiating a handshake. This would signal a more formal context, preventing overly casual gestures in inappropriate settings. “That tells you it’s a more formal occasion, and not the time to bro hug like one of the surfers from ‘Point Break,’” they observe.
The idea of standardized gestures is further supported by the author’s admiration for Japan’s approach to social greetings. There, bows are the default response to any interaction, offering a uniform and respectful alternative to the chaotic handshakes and daps of Western culture. “They give out bows there like one of Oprah’s favorite things,” the author remarks, while acknowledging that the subtlety of the bow’s angle can convey varying levels of respect.
Other Social Missteps
While the handshake issue is prominent, the author also points to other social blunders that test our patience. One such example is the compulsion to speak on elevators. “One of my absolute biggest pet peeves is people who can’t stand silence and have to talk on elevators,” they state. The issue isn’t the act of conversation itself but the lack of purpose behind it. “They start crawling out of their skin,” the author says, describing how some individuals feel the need to fill every moment with words, even when no one is listening.
This phenomenon, the author argues, creates an environment where spontaneous interactions are disrupted. Picture the elevator doors closing, and immediately, someone begins recounting their weekend plans or a random anecdote. “The doors close, you’re going four floors up, and all you hear for the first two is the hum,” they describe, painting a vivid picture of the unnecessary chatter that follows.
Why the Guessing Game?
The root of these problems lies in the absence of universal guidelines. Without clear signals, people default to arbitrary gestures that can confuse or alienate others. The author believes that a system of rules could eliminate the need for constant guesswork. “Whatever it takes to not have to play that weird guessing game all the time,” they conclude.
Such rules might include specifying when handshakes are appropriate, or introducing alternative greetings like a nod or a wave. The goal is to create a more predictable social environment where interactions feel natural rather than forced. By adopting these standards, we could reduce the anxiety of navigating social situations and foster smoother, more respectful exchanges.
Ultimately, the author’s message is one of collective responsibility. Social etiquette isn’t just about personal preference—it’s about creating a shared language that minimizes friction. Whether it’s a head nod in a parking lot or a bow in a crowded street, the need for consistency is clear. “Everyone needs to help each other out on this and not throw so many curveballs,” they assert, urging society to move beyond the current chaos and embrace a more structured approach to everyday greetings.
